


The Troupe's Mystery

by inmyopinion



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Catboys & Catgirls, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Gross, Help, Piss, Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26970460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmyopinion/pseuds/inmyopinion
Summary: After a few suspect sounds from Chrollo's room, the other members of the Phantom Troupe realize that he may be up to something.But no one was expectingthat.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Troupe's Mystery

**Author's Note:**

> i cannot explain why i wrote this  
> first hxh fic yay??? i wanted to write cute killugon first but no here we are

“How long have you guys been sitting here?”

The question that left Shizuku startled the other Spiders, turning to her as they all leaned in towards a door. She had just returned from buying them all lunch, holding three pizza boxes in her arms and close to her chest, having to shift them to the side to get a good look at the others. They had all been occupying a new building, and the room they all focused on was Chrollo’s. At first, she didn’t question why they all sat together outside the room, though this was certainly an oddity the more she thought about it. 

With wide eyes, Nobunaga held a finger to his lips, shaking his head. “You can’t be too loud!” he said, his voice a whisper. 

As she furrowed her eyebrows, Shizuku glanced around at the others. All she received were shrugs from Kortopi and Franklin; perhaps the two tagged along for the hell of it. For a moment, silence rang throughout the musty hallway, only to end up interrupted by loud meows from the other side of the door. This seemed to bring excitement amongst the others, though only brought about a realization in Feitan.

“We didn’t tell her, did we?” Feitan asked, glancing at the others before nudging Phinks beside him with his elbow. “Come on, you can explain this.”

Phinks, bewildered, had to hold back his violent aversion at the suggestion. “Are you kidding me? I—you know more about this, Pakunoda, right?”

Though she rolled her eyes, Pakunoda still felt inclined to reply: “No, wasn’t it Feitan who discovered this?”

When the memory returned to Feitan, all he did was sigh. It’s not like he wanted to discover this conundrum. “That still doesn’t tell us who’s going to explain this to Shizuku.”

Before any more ruckus occurred, Machi raised her hand and looked to Shizuku, catching her attention. “You’ve been buying us lunch this whole week, so we didn’t have the time to tell you about this.” Momentarily, her eyes shifted towards Shalnark who stuck his ear against the door. By then, everyone’s attention had once again redirected to what happened inside, much louder meows passing through the door. “We think the boss is up to something.”

That came as a surprise to Shizuku. “Oh? Is it bad?” She put the boxes down, ignoring the fact that the floor was dusty. The question made someone chortle (she’d later find out it was Phinks), and Machi continued her explanation.

“It started the first day you went out to get lunch. McDonald’s, remember?” Shizuku nodded. “Feitan walked down the hallway and heard cats. Well, he thought it was cats but—”

“It sounded more like an impression,” Feitan said.

Another meow came from Chrollo’s room, followed by softer mewls. The more Shizuku listened in, the noises didn’t sound like an actual cat at all. “That’s weird.”

“Mm. Feitan just shrugged it off at first.” Machi glanced towards Pakunoda. “Then she walked past here the next day and heard meowing, too. It’s only when she brought it up that everyone got curious. Even weirder when he goes out to talk to all of us; he doesn’t acknowledge _anything_ he’s doing inside the room.”

Admittedly, it confused Shizuku why no one ever brought this up with her, but she couldn’t complain; especially with the detailed explanation Machi gave her. “So how long have you guys been listening in?”

“Oh, today’s the first time. That’s why you only saw us doing it earlier,” Shalnark said, his smile clear from his side profile. He still hadn’t lifted his head from the door. 

“Can I join?” Shizuku asked while pushing the boxes of pizza with her foot, ignoring the horrible sanitary problems her actions had. “We can eat lunch while we listen.”

The idea roused most, though Franklin furrowed his eyebrows. “What flavor do we leave him?”

“Hawaiian,” everyone said in unison, though still soft enough as to not catch Chrollo’s attention. That man always had an odd way of eating pizza; he’d pick off the toppings first, followed by the cheese, then the bread. He never touched the crust. They always let him have Hawaiian because at least everyone in the troupe enjoyed whatever nightmare leftovers Chrollo would leave: pizza base with specks of cheese. That was what they usually ended up with after handing him a box of any flavor, but getting handed back a former Hawaiian pizza never felt as lacking compared to a picked apart Meat Supreme or even a Pepperoni.

“Alright.” Shizuku took the top box off before pushing the other two boxes to the middle of them all. After they opened up both boxes, slices of Very Veggie and BBQ Chicken pizzas were being handed around. No one had noticed that there was a light layer of dust after it being kicked around on the dingy, dusty flooring. 

The whole time they ate, the sounds coming from Chrollo’s room only seemed to grow louder, perhaps even more obnoxious. One could say they were more feral; there seemed to be two cats now, one with a more high-pitched voice than the previous one they’d heard. They sounded like they were fighting, clawing at each other with desperation. 

By the time they finished eating all of their pizza slices, genuine concern had fallen over everyone. They especially saw this on Shalnark’s face, and it was he who brought up something that could end their questioning conundrums once and for all: “What if we just asked him about this?”

The silence he gained in response was unnerving, though it captured what each of them thought at the moment: _The idea sounds okay, but why should we?_ They all glanced at each other as if trying to gain an answer, but the only thing that lingered in the air was stillness, the mewls of cat impersonators, and the strong scent of pizza grease. 

An awkward cough. Everyone turned their heads, shocked to see it was Pakunoda. “I don’t think it would hurt. To ask him, I mean.” She didn’t seem like she believed in the suggestion, but it was the most plausible thing they could come up with. Knowing how the situation could be blown out of proportion if they over thought it, she’d prefer to be direct than have them go on some espionage mission. Though no one else stirred, it was obvious everyone agreed by then.

“Well,” Shizuku began. “Who’s going in first?”

A pause. “Why don’t we all go in?” Phinks asked. 

Instantaneously, all agreed, and their following movements were in sync: they pushed themselves off the ground, dusted themselves off, and turned towards the door. Considering that Shalnark stayed closest to the entrance, everyone already assigned him to make their presence known to Chrollo. Almost immediately, Shalnark acknowledged this by knocking on the worn-down mahogany before him.

“Can I come in?” Shalnark asked out loud before stepping back, awaiting an answer.

And he waited.

And they waited.

“Is it me, or is the meowing louder?” Machi asked, crossing her arms. 

Once again, Shalnark knocked. “Hello?” he asked, as if having a cellphone pressed to his ear, trying to gauge if someone was still there because of a faulty signal. The only reply that came by sounded like a cat screeching, causing everyone to cringe. 

“Mm, we can’t wait here forever, can we?” Shalnark lowered his voice, only because there was no use trying to get Chrollo’s attention. His hand moved towards the doorknob, expecting it to jerk as he turned it, only to hear it turn and open with a light click. A few murmurs of astonishment came from a few members, though it would soon die down as the door opened with a soft creak.

Up to that point, no one even had a glimpse into the room, and the dilapidated state of it was beyond belief. Because the rooms beside it remained locked, no one could enter and realize that the walls had been torn down. This resulted in Chrollo’s room looking large, albeit covered in debris by all sides. But this wasn’t what everyone noticed first; what caught everyone off guard was the smell, produced by opened bottles strewn around the room.

Was that _urine_?

A few covered their noses as they stared at the room’s contents. They were all two-liter bottles of water—a high-end brand, too—and there may have been at least fifty all around. While some seemed untouched, still shut tight by bright blue seals, some were open. While only one sat there half full, the rest were still full to the brim with liquid. Except it wasn’t water in them; though the liquid inside remained clear, the obvious yellowish tint to them made it even more obvious what it was. Inch by inch, their eyes crept up the sight of dispersed bottles until they met the sight of what sat in the middle of the room. 

Sitting in the center of the madness was none other than Chrollo, sitting on a chair that seemed one pull backward from falling apart. Though he sat facing away from them, everyone could tell that it was him; no one else among them dared to wear such a gaudy coat, fur lining and all. What he had before him was an enormous chunk of wall that served as his desk. Atop it was a laptop, and on it, the meowing sounds came.

“Oh, I’m sorry—” Shalnark ended up hushed by Pakunoda, who gave him a small glare. While this confused him, it all made sense as she pointed at two things: the floor underneath the chair, and the laptop screen. On the former was a large puddle that may have been an ocean for ants, but by then, it wasn’t jarring considering the bottles all around. As for the latter, it only brought about murmurs of confusion amongst all of them. Despite the distance, the sight was as clear as day, and nothing like anyone expected.

On the screen seemed to be a live stream, with two young men wearing cat ears that clawed at the screen; an unnerving display of cat impressions. Nothing seemed to be lewd about it too, as the men wore suits that any respectable office man may have worn. Alas, they couldn’t watch for much longer as Chrollo suddenly turned around and had everyone freeze on the spot.

“Hm?” Chrollo looked to them as if it was any other day, any other occurrence. He raised his eyebrows as he looked over the small crowd that now gathered at the door. “Is something the matter?”

The question had everyone nudging each other, either with harsh pokes or hard knocks of elbows. Everyone seemed hesitant to ask what was happening—who could blame them?—but a certain someone solved this issue of theirs: a familiar voice that came from the rubble. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t jerked off yet.” The voice, rather eerie, muffled, sounded to be underneath smaller pieces of rubble. What came next were a few powerful punches, a blast that everyone stepped back from, and a gay clown hopping out and landing onto his feet with ease.

Hisoka. Who the hell else would it be?

Hisoka walked up to Chrollo, knocking over bottles with his pointy shoes and spilling urine all over the ground, worsening the already strong scent. As soon as he stood before Chrollo, a sickeningly sweet smirk spread on his lips before averting his eyes to the laptop screen. “An affinity for catboys,” he murmured.

“Yes, I have one,” Chrollo confirmed before looking back at the other Spiders. “What’s wrong?”

The repeated question had everyone ready to panic again, but Shalnark stepped forward with a small smile on his face. “We wondered what the cat noises were, but that problem is solved—” He paused to look back at the others, showing them all a thumbs up. “—but why are you peeing everywhere?”

Chrollo hummed at the question, deep in thought moments after he took it in. Other than mewls and Hisoka letting out uncomfortably pleasured moans, everyone kept quiet in anticipation of the answer.

“I suppose I enjoy it.” Chrollo turned back around to the laptop, sighing as Hisoka sat down on the ground, his pants soaking up the piss. “Has anyone bought lunch yet?”

Shizuku nodded, even if Chrollo couldn’t see it. “We got you Hawaiian pizza.”

“Great. Bring it here.”

With the days that followed, the catboy content only grew louder, and the rest of the Spiders stayed confused.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write smth nice for my first hxh fic  
> idk why it lead to this  
> reviews and kudos appreciated!!


End file.
